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Haunt Me begins

“If you die, I will die too.”

Tracing his razor across Kimber’s snow white wrist, Adam knew her promise to be true. Teasing the delicate blue of her vein with the blade, Adam kissed her. When their lips parted, he caught a fleeting glimpse of the deep unending misery behind the icy blue of her eyes. In that moment Kimber had never been more perfect.

“I want you to know, I belong to you.” Adam took her hand, razor blade pinched tightly between her delicate fingers, and led it towards his wrist.

“I know.” Kimber pressed the blade in, gently breaking the skin.

Again their eyes met and Adam couldn’t find any trace of apprehension or regret. Not that he expected to. There hadn’t been an idle moment during the past six months where the seventeen year olds hadn’t discussed the act. Be it laying in Kimber’s bed after making love, doing homework in Adam’s room or even curled up on the couch in his parent’s rec room watching The Evil Dead, they inevitably returned to the idea of taking their own lives.

Adam often told Kimber that there was a short in his brain’s wiring. He simply couldn’t experience pleasure or happiness like a normal person. While other boys would celebrate having Adam’s effortless 4.0 average or savor the attention his brooding good looks brought from the girls, Adam simply couldn’t care less. Depression and indifference grew where pleasure and happiness should have taken root.

While Adam’s emotions could be described with a thousand indifferent shades of gray, Kimber experienced the whole rainbow, often swinging from the brightest shades of delirium to the deepest hues of depression in a matter of minutes.

After meeting during their freshman year, it didn’t take long for each of them to realize they had found a partner to help cope with their damaged psyches. But as they opened up, sharing their favorite music, books and movies, they discovered they had far more in common than just their faltering mental health. Joy Division, Kurt Vonnegut and Lucio Fulci finished forging the bond that misery had started. As the days turned into weeks, the weeks piled into months and then the months amassed into years, things couldn’t have been more perfect. They were two miserable kids destined to become miserable adults together.

Then Adam started hearing the voices.

Clawing forward from the dark recesses of his mind, the voices embodied all the hatred and self-loathing that Adam felt. But regardless the obscenity they hissed, the violent action they urged or ugly truth they whispered, Adam resolutely ignored them. He hoped they would eventually sink back into the black pit from which they came.

But his burgeoning psychosis would not be ignored.

No matter how often he ignore them, the voices kept returning. Screaming, growling and hissing. He couldn’t stand hearing them. Growing tired of their abuse, he told Kimber.

When he confessed his troubles, Kimber’s understood his admission to mean only one thing. It was a diagnosis Adam feared, but could never allow himself to believe. Schizophrenia. The word was ugly but the truth it carried was even uglier. The voices would only progressive become worse without medical help. But medical attention meant medication or even hospitalization. Neither were options Adam could live with. They decided they would fight Adam’s condition together.

Less than three months later, they realized it was a fight they could not win.

The voices had grown so disruptive Adam couldn’t ignore them, even when Kimber was around to help him focus on reality. As they stared down the possibility that Adam would be hospitalized, Kimber suggested they take their own lives.

It was a desperate and stupid suggestion, but as the days passed it was one they kept returning to. The thought of taking their own lives was so simple but yet it was somehow deeply profound. They had lived their lives on their own terms and they would end them the same way. In death, they would be together forever.

“Together forever,” Kimber stated.

Pushing the hair from her face, Adam leaned forward. Wanting to taste the warmth of her lips one final time, he kissed her. Soft, fleeting and perfect; it was their love perfectly summarized in a single act. “If we part, my pulse will guide you through,” Adam said. Despite the conviction behind his words, Adam heard his voice falter and fade. It sounded painfully thin and weak. He just hoped Kimber hadn’t heard the same weakness to his words.

“I love you,” she said.

The unending darkness of her eyes never wavered as Adam cut her wrist.

Her blood drizzled in a long languid crimson trail down her wrist and along her hand. Kimber smiled and tenderly stroked Adam’s face. The wetness she left behind was warm and sticky, like paint that had freshly dried.

Now that it was Kimber’s turn, Adam took a deep breath.

The cut was smooth and perfect, Adam barely felt the razor slash his vein. It wasn’t until he felt the warmth of his own blood pulsing down his arm that Adam realized Kimber had followed through.

Slowly exhaling, Adam mentally counted down. He started at sixty. By the time he reached thirty, his head felt hazy and the world started to spin. Kimber blurred into a ghost like presence. He barely felt her hand gripping his own.

After a minute, Adam realized the ghost was gone.

His whole body growing number by the moment, Adam looked around. He found Kimber on the ground and gently consigned himself to the floor right beside her.

The warmth of their collective blood cutting through the numbness of his body, Adam smiled and pulled Kimber close to him. As her body slumped against his own, Adam found a stunning moment of clarity. He could see the two of them on the ground. Neither of them breathing. Motionless, in a dried pool of crimson, they were young and beautiful. Together forever. Feeling his vision growing ever clearer, Adam noticed a shape in the distance.

Kimber’s mother entered the room.

Zeroed Out

Today I finished the new draft of Nothing Zero. Coming in at 91,000 words, it’s easily the longest thing I’ve ever written. Given that this draft ballooned to nearly double its original length, I’m going to need time to properly edit it and prepare it for publication. Unfortunately time is something I’m incredibly short on at the moment.

Today is the beginning of NaNoWriMo and I’ve decided to participate. This means I’m trying to crank out a 50,000 word this month. While I doubt my ability to do it this year, I want to give it my all. As a result, I’m backing away from Nothing Zero until December. At that time I’ll sit down with the novel and give it the love and care it desperately needs. I’m certain that I can complete a speedy edit, but I’m not going to commit to that. Ideally, Nothing Zero will be published in late December or early January at the latest. It may be a few months later than I originally planned, but it still feels good to finally be done.

Now I can begin my NaNoWriMo book, Haunt Me. This time I’ll be sure to back-up my work in multiple places.

Fray, an excerpt from Nothing Zero

Going into Nothing Zero, I knew I had to create some new characters. Since Nothing is now a rock star, I thought it would be interesting to create a character that sort of mirrored his story from Live Undead. So I created Fray. The following excerpt is his introduction. Just like the last excerpt, this piece hasn’t been properly edited, and is presented exactly as it appears in my current draft. I hope you enjoy it.

From Chapter 3 “We Hunger”

Nothing Zero was his favorite band. Fray paid for their music, watched their videos, attended their concerts and bought their merchandise. He owned every shirt they put out, every poster they appeared on and even multiple copies of their albums—the standard and deluxe double CD editions, vinyl version and digital download.

Before he discovered Nothing Zero, Fray looked normal. Brooding eyes hidden behind curly tufts of brown hair and a large nose dominating his oval-shaped face, there was nothing remarkable about him. But after seeing the “Bleed for Me” video, he decided to grow his hair long. By the time the album came out he started wearing black clothing and calling himself Fray. Not long after Nothing Zero released Until The Light, he was wearing make-up and sexually experimenting with boys. Just one month before The Third Kind came out, he broke up with his boyfriend and the album’s songs helped him get over the heartbreak. The music of Nothing Zero helped Fray understand there was nothing normal about him. Thanks to Nothing Zero, Fray looked beautiful.

The band changed his life, and Fray was excited he had a chance to tell them.

“Are you nervous?” Krista smiled.

“A little, I guess.” Even though every inch of his body tingled with anticipation, Fray tried not to show it. But as the elevator floors ticked away, he realized his hands were shaking. Steadying himself, he offered Krista a nervous little smile before turning his eyes back to the floor numbers.

The whole experience had been surreal.

Even though Fray had been to several shows already, he decided to follow Nothing Zero for the final week of their Dead and Glamorous tour. When they took the stage at the Shoreline Ampitheatre in Mountain View, he was down in the front row. He screamed the words to “Sweet Division” right back to Nothing when they played the Hollywood Bowl. As the band tore through “I Am Zero” at the Honda Center in Anaheim, he had been banging his head in perfect time. The endeavor was ridiculously expensive, but worth every dime.

As he drove to Chula Vista, Fray received a direct message from the band’s official Twitter account. Krista had been following his Tweets and Facebook postings about the shows, and wanted to talk to him. Over the phone, she told him the band hoped to make Las Vegas a night he’d never forget. She arranged to meet with him.

Two hours before the ampitheatre’s doors opened, Fray arrived at Red Rock Casino. Entering the casino, Fray feared he had been the brunt of a cruel practical joke. With his pale skin, teased hair and Nothing Zero t-shirt, he felt hopelessly out of place among all the overweight and middle-aged vacationers. When he saw Krista waiting for him in the food court, he had never been happier.

Big dark eyes, tiny nose and bobbed black hair framing her porcelain face, Krista spent thirty minutes with Fray. Treating him to pizza, she politely listened to Fray pour his heart out. He explained what Nothing Zero meant to him. He told her about how awkward and ugly he used to feel. He told her about his favorite songs, and what their words meant to him. When Fray finished, Krista asked if he wanted to meet Wraith.

Fray felt the breath leave his body.

After getting into Nothing Zero, Fray checked out Live Undead and Resurrection Cult. While the bands were radically different, he could hear echoes of Nothing Zero in their albums. Having recognized familiar guitar riffs and melodies, he knew Wraith authored the band’s best songs. With his dark androgynous beauty and edgy sex appeal, Nothing drew Fray to the band, but Wraith made him love their music.

Now he was going to meet him.

The elevator doors opened.

“Here we are,” Krista smiled.

Taking a deep breath, Fray stepped into the hallway. They were on the seventh floor. Fray wasn’t surprised Wraith hadn’t stayed on one of the upper floors. The ridiculously expensive suites wouldn’t have been his style. While Nothing was the focal point of the band’s marketing, Wraith barely appeared in their publicity. Even when they payed live, the towering bass player sank comfortably into the background, ceding the spotlight to his diminutive, gender bending singer.

Leading Fray to the last suite to the left, Krista glanced back at him. “He’s been looking forward to seeing you.”

Another stunner, this one buckling Fray’s knees. The idea Wraith was looking forward to seeing him made his heart race. He had barely started breathing again by the time Krista opened the door.

Stepping aside, Krista smiled. “Go on. He’s waiting inside.”

Fray steadied himself and stepped into the suite.

With the lights out, the large picture windows bathed the parlor in moonlight. Fray took a moment to pluck the details out of the mellow blue darkness—the 50 inch plasma, the L-shaped sofa and dining table for four. While luxurious, Fray was certain the room paled in comparison to the opulent upper floor suites. Fray then noticed a light.

“Hello?” he whispered.

Following the light, Fray found himself in the bedroom. It took him a moment to realize he wasn’t alone. Occupying one of the twin club chairs immediately in front of the bedroom’s large windows, Wraith’s dark eyes were fixed on Fray. Washed in the gentle golden glow of the desk lamp, and framed by the desert night, Wraith was everything Fray had hoped.

Rising to his feet, the bassist slunk towards him.

“Wraith,” Fray uttered.

Wraith smiled, allowing just a glimpse of his fangs. “I’ve been looking forward to this, Fray.”

His heart thundering in his chest, Fray’s whole body quivered. “Me too,” he whispered.

Gently Wraith traced his long, spidery fingers across Fray’s face. The bassist leaning in close to him, Fray caught Wraith’s gaze. “Don’t be scared.”

Staring into Wraith’s almond shaped black eyes, Fray felt the world slipping away. His heart falling to an easy rhythm, a gentle calm came over him. As Wraith squeezed Fray’s ass, and pulled him close, Fray knew what was coming next. Understanding death was near, he should have been terrified. Instead, Fray found peace and comfort greater than any he had known before.

Closing his eyes, Fray arched his neck and leaned into Wraith. He barely felt the bassist’s teeth as they sank into the supple flesh of his throat. The warmth of his own blood spilling down his chest, Fray moaned gently and pressed against the coldness of Wraith’s body until he became one with it.

Everything Bloodier Than Everyone Else

When I started this version of NOTHING ZERO, I knew I had to top LIVE UNDEAD. While that book was extremely gruesome and explicitly sexual, I felt those qualities were too contained. All the nasty stuff centered around a couple of characters, while the others either existed solely to advance the plot or lived in the background. I wanted every character to get dirty. I wanted every chapter of NOTHING ZERO to contain some over the top set-piece that ended in copious amounts of bodily fluids being spilled.

I think I’ve succeeded.

While NOTHING ZERO may not go to the same dark places as LIVE UNDEAD, it’s definitely way more over the top. Bones are violently torn from bodies, throats are gleefully ripped apart and sex occurs with an almost pornographic level of detail. And I’m not even done yet. There’s still some truly horrible things left in the final part of the book. Terrible things are in store for these characters. There will be (even more) blood.

When I enter the editing process next month, I’ll have some hard choices to make. Should I tame this down? Do I even want to? Could I even tame this monstrosity without completely breaking it? Currently there’s a nearly two thousand word gay orgy, and thousands of words dedicated to violence and decadence. At this point, I don’t really know how things will turn out. Whatever happens, I can’t wait for the final book to be unleashed in October.

Total Zero

When I sat down to write Live Undead I wanted to churn out a quick and violent blast of vampire horror. As a result, the story remained pretty straightforward. While there were two narrative threads, I knew they would come together. With Nothing Zero, I want something totally different.

Picking up five years after Live Undead, Nothing Zero is rather sprawling. Instead of two characters driving the  story, there’s five. While their stories all  lead in the same direction, they don’t collide. I imagine the narrative looks like a four lane highway gradually merging into two lanes of blacktop.

Stylistically, I’m also stretching out a bit. Instead of telling Nothing Zero as a straight-forward novel, there are journals and interviews between various chapters. If you’ve read Marilyn Manson’s THE LONG HARD ROAD OUT OF HELL, then you’ll have a pretty good idea what to expect.

With the first part (of three parts)  complete, I’m starting to pick up the book’s rhythm. I hope to be completely finished by the end of June, with the finished product ready in August. I can’t wait to unleash Nothing Zero on the world. I think it’ll be a great and dark slab of splatterpunk, with a heavy emphasis on the splatter.